You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
