Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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