if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
