I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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