omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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