You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
