Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
