those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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