so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
