just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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