Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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