That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
