You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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