HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
