I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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