Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
