I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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