So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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