Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
