And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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