I want to have your abortion
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
