all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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