so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
