Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
