Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
