i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
