i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
