How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
