I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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