So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
