Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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