Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
