During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
