we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
