when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
