im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
