I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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