I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
