She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
