he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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