So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
