i was born a porn star she said
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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