i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
where are you?
Hypothermia
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
