Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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