So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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