Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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