Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
