So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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