the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
