tell your sister to shave her snatch
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
