it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
