she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
